HARD WORDS TO HEAR

She said, “You may never see him again.”

It’s like this: We had this trip planned to visit an old high school buddy and I fell down the stairs. Trip canceled, or at best, postponed. As it turns out we missed seeing them at all this year. As it turns out #2, they may not be coming back to their retreat in Pennsylvania. CA then said those words: “You may never see them again”.

This is not fortune cookie stuff. It’s real life. As it turns out, we pass many doorways that we shall never open again - - all the time. That’s the way it is.

But this is a guy I palled around with in the 1940s. Do the numbers. That’s a while ago and there is a lot of that in-between history we did not share. You know how it usually goes. High school graduation scatters people like a whirlwind. Many times this commencement scattering is permanent and irrevocable. I went into a marriage and then into an educational journey no one would have expected and he went into the Air Force and flew nuclear armed bombers for twenty years, and after that had a successful business career.

Then late one night about ten years ago I got this phone call and I knew immediately who it was even after all those years of not being in touch. That voice - you just can’t make that up. To cut to the chase, we began seeing each other almost every year since. Sometimes here in Maine and sometimes in Pennsylvania at their family retreat.

As time moves on and without much fanfare, we both find that we are in our mid-eighties and suffering from multiple age related problems, a mutual dislike for air travel and almost 3000 road miles between us. Odds are that we are not going to see much of each other from now on.

But, isn’t that the way it is? Several of my closest and dearest friends have died tragically or of natural causes before their “normal” times. Isn’t that the way it is? Why should we think there is some sort of special roll for us to play in this drama? What’s special about you or me that we should be spared the usual terminal scenario of the human condition. Well, I’m sure you don’t pander to such foolishness.

I say there is an upside to all this and this is it: get all the hugs and kisses you can while you can. Nurture your friendships and keep them well. Write letters, send emails, make phone calls, send cards and gifts. Do the maintenance. The best gift life ever gave to you was a friend - no matter how far away they are.

A LOAD TOO HEAVY

It goes without saying - but we say it anyway: the longer you carry a load the heavier it gets. Big revelation, huh?

I think that’s the best definition I can come up with for aging. One day, you just won’t be able to pick it up and that will be the end of the road. You probably get tired of me saying this but it’s the truest of truisms. CS Lewis once said that when the ability goes so does the desire. One day you come to the place that you can’t go on and voila - you don’t want to go on. I’ll be sure to let you know if that works out. If you are sound of mind, you’ll find it out for yourself.

I’ll not forget that time that Tinkie, J-Boy, Tyrus and I were finishing off a couple of bottles of Delaware Punch and Tinkie proposed that he could hold a Delaware punch bottle out at arms length longer than any of us. Guess what? He could. I think he had been practicing. I gave it a try, While I’m talking, why don’t you try. It ain’t easy. One minute. Two minutes. Three. Five? Feel it yet? After a while your arms just get lower and lower. Nothing you can do about it. You still want to but that doesn’t seem to count anymore. I guess practice would help but how would you know?

Growing older is sort of like that, but without the Delaware Punch bottles. As time goes on you just can’t do some things you always did without thinking.

This week on Monhegan Island is, for me, a Delaware Punch bottle event. The trails that crisscross an circle this little paradise are in places very rocky and steep. Once I could hop from rock to rock with ease and sureness of foot. A few years ago I began using one of those adjustable hiking sticks with a carbide tip that will stick on a rock like a third leg. This week I have been experimenting with a second stick and it truly helps going down steep rocky pitches.  I's the balance.  It's just not there anymore.  And all it takes is one little misstep - additional walking sticks notwithstanding.

It’s all about accommodation. The happiest old people I have ever known are those who were smart enough to adjust to their diminishing abilities. Growing old is not an option, if one is lucky. Not being able to hold that Delaware Punch bottle out at arm’s length as long as you once could is one of the more normal things you will ever run into. There is no rule that says you have to be able to keep up with people twenty or thirty years younger than you. Do I hear, “Act your age?”

This could be our last week on this wonderful piece of paradise. I’ve held this bottle out about as long as I am able to. Doing many of the things that bring us back year after year have now become too dangerous to do. There are easier trails. I know that, but I am soon to be 85 and hopefully counting. A trip and a fall could be disastrous. I recently had such a fall in my home and it took me a month to recover. It was very painful but I didn’t break anything. I was very lucky - that time.

I do still have the desire. And there is a lot of walking I can still do. That I will do. Incidentally, I am comfortable giving up the Delaware Punch bottle test for manliness. It never proved anything anyway.

THE FALL

There was a time when I thought it funny, quaint and even interesting how old people talked about being old more than, say, how I talked about being young or middle aged. Hang out with some old people and before long being old and all that means becomes the subject of conversation.

But it’s not all talk. If you grow old, and I hope you do, it’s very likely that you will encounter one or more of the degenerative disorders that plague he aging: arthritis, joint failures, cataracts, Alzheimer’s, glaucoma, diabetes, stroke, Parkinson’s, coronary issues, shingles and the all time favorite - the many faces of cancer. If I have left out your preferred disease, please let me know and I will happily add it in a later update.

My point is that all that talk among old people is about something real and usually something shared. I mean, what do you expect? If you have lived long enough you have had to give up mountain climbing, surfboarding, motorcycle racing - to mention a few. What’s left? You become expert survivors. Then you fall.

I live in a house with three and a half sets of stairs. The half is one of those death traps you pull down to reach the attic. I am up and down these stairs many times a day and have done so for nearly 20 years - without incident - until about a week ago. I successfully descended the stairs leading to the garage with a huge bag of recycling and after all these years, I thought I had one more step before the step down to the garage level and I was woefully mistaken. I ended up on my back, quite surprised with recycling all about me and CA calling out, “Are you alright?”

Well, no, I wasn’t alright and I needed a bit of assistance to get to my feet. It wasn’t long until I became aware of pain in my back and neck. These were old wounds now reactivated. Luckily there are no broken bones or even visible bruises, just an acute sense of stupidity.

So here I am again, nursing pain, taking pain medication and scheduling PT and acupuncture treatments. It gets old. But it’s life, and it’s my life. And I’m thankful for it. Now, where did I put that Tylenol?

REMEMBERING THINGS I NO LONGER DO

REMEMBERING THINGS I NO LONGER DO (FOR A NUMBER OF REASONS - ANY OF WHICH WILL WORK)

BACKPACK IN THE MOUNTAINS
SLEEP ON THE GROUND
FLY SMALL AIRPLANES
STAY UP ALL NIGHT FOR THE FUN OF IT
WHITEWATER KAYAKING
CLIMB TREES - OR ANYTHING ELSE FOR THAT MATTER
RUN
USE A CHAINSAW WITH ONE HAND
USE A CHAINSAW WITH BOTH HANDS
DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY
MEASURE TRIPS ACROSS TEXAS BY THE SIX-PACK
LIVE IN TEXAS FOR THAT MATTER
TRY TO FIND OLD HIGH SCHOOL BUDDIES
TRY TO TIE A BOWLINE KNOT
WATCH A HOCKY GAME (WAIT A MINUTE - I NEVER DID THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE) WATCH A SOCER GAME (SEE ABOVE)
DRIVE A BUICK

WHY DON’T YOU ADD TO THE LIST - OR ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO CAN STILL DO EVERYTHING … …

THE SHIFTING SANDS OF TIME

GOOD MORNING. I FEEL MUCH BETTER THANK YOU. TWO EXTRA STRENGTH TYLENOL CAPS AND A COMPLETE NIGHT’S SLEEP ARE TANTAMOUNT TO MODERN MIRACLES.

If you are paying attention, and I do understand that there are times when not to pay attention is more comforting, you do not have to grow old to realize that things begin to change as time goes on. Things like the erosion of eyesight, which for most of us begins in childhood, the odd toothache, or other physical defects such as chronic sinuses and allergies.

I remember sitting in my dentist’s chair for a regular cleaning visit and mentioning how now and then there are small “areas of discomfort” that just go away on their own. He said it was like the shifting sands of time about which nothing can be done, except to adjust to the changing oral topography and to call if those shifting sands uncover an unexploded land mine.

That was many years ago but those words - that mental stance - have stayed with me as I have applied that principle to the entire matter of being an old human being. (See the various categories of shifting sands listed above and add a few of your own).

I rolled out of bed a couple of weeks ago and kept going in a more or less counterclockwise direction as the room seemed to be moving in the opposite direction. I didn’t worry too much until a similar episode happened while completing my stretching session a day later. My tendency is to interpret these issues as simple speed bumps in my personal octogenarian highway. But this felt differently.

I called my primary who sent me for an MRI (I know I have been over all this before) to check on the brain neighborhood. Nothing there (so to speak) but the sinuses were in bad shape. Did you know that there is a whole field in Physical Therapy that deals with balance issues and that can impact the middle ear’s contribution to things like stumbling out of bed? I didn’t.

I have been given a series of stretches and exercised that will, A - correct my posture, and B- increase my range of movement in the spinal area, all of which is said to be related to my initial complaint. After two days of this regimen, I am a basket case of aches and stiffness. Hey, I yelled. This is supposed to be getting better! Which brings me back to the two Tylenol supper caps at bed time last night.

What’s a modern miracle is being here in the first place. The shifting sands of time seem to be acting more and more like the quicksands of time. Anyway, all is well and I can get out of bed and remain upright long enough to get to the bathroom.

Be well and stay tuned. The adventure continues.

I’m Jerry Henderson