IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?

I've been thinking. I know it's risky, but sometimes it just happens without me even thinking about it. Whoops! See what I mean?

OK, here's the deal: I have this stable of MDs (medical doctors), a few of whom I see on a more or less regular basis throughout the year. There is, of course, my primary physician, who I see for a regular examination once a year and who I call for those unscheduled acute experiences that go "bump" in the night from time to time, for which she will schedule me to come in or refer me to another doctor that specializes in that particular "Bump".

There are specialists I see regularly who monitor those standard, reoccurring bumps that have become routine in my life.

For instance, there is a dermatologist, an attractive woman for whom I must undress - "You can leave your underpants on." I'm always certain to wear my best Jocky snug fitting boxers with breathable panels. There are so many "points of interest" on my skin - the largest organ of the body - that she has resorted to calling them "barnacles" many of which can be burned, frozen, scraped or cut off, while others we just leave alone to become a fixtures of my persona.

Then there is a cardiologist who keeps a watch on my circulatory system with special attention to the anterior coronary artery which contains a little sludge. He is quite happy that I have lost a bunch of weight. I figure as long as he is happy I will be happy.

Everybody should know a gastroenterologist. I always have something for them to do when they are looking into my gut. I know this pleases them for they always ask me back. This time I go back in only a year. Interesting stuff in there she said. Can't wait to see if there is more, she said. Well, I'm glad someone is having fun.

While I am on the "nether" regions, I might as well mention my urologist. He's he one that is concerned with how many times I go to the bathroom and the size of my prostate. Just the other day he scraped out a polyp in my bladder. I'll see him more frequently now for a while. He's the nicest guy. I look forward to seeing him, but just thinking about what has to happen for him to "see" what's going on in my bladder gives me pause. Oh well, moving on, now.

I see an ophthalmologist twice or more times a year to monitor glaucoma and other transient issues with my eyes. I have been seeing an ophthalmologist longer than any other specialist. I suppose that's because when there is a vision problem you "see" it immediately. When I think about it, the procedures I have had done to my eyes are mind boggling. There was a time in the past, when, by now, I would just be blind. We're on a first name basis.

I've been seeing a pulmonologist for over a year now and I am still having the issue that brought me to him - a near constant wad of crud in my bronchial area and larynx. Finally he directed me to see an otolaryngologist. Commonly called an ENT (ear, nose & throat) specialist to see why I am loosing my voice. Well, whew!. It's not cancer and it's something we can deal with over time. That "dealing" has to do with a speech therapist. I thought I "spoke" rather well. So what do I know? I can see it now - yodel in the morning, yodel at noon, yodel in the afternoon. Not if I have anything to do with it.

Mr. Spock's greeting, "Live long and prosper", is nice, but long life without health is no fun. We all love a long life, but sadly there are some trade-offs. I think luck has a lot to do with it. What luck can't deal with a team of great physicians is a handy thing to have.

Well, I gotta go. I'm getting my flu shot today and having my cholesterol checked as well. Nothing by mouth now for twelve hours. After the shot and blood draw, I'll be at Panera just around the corner from my Primary's office. They have great carbohydrates and strong caffeine. Just what the doctor ordered!