My FaceBook sidebar is telling me about some of my FB friends who have several hundred FB friends. I think FB is trying to make me feel guilty for not having as many friends as I could have. I think I am friendly, but maybe I'm not. I mean, I don't even know 300 people. 500 people. I suppose if I tried, I could think of 300 people, but there is no way I could call all of them actual friends. I heard of a woman who had over 1000 FB friends. I am sure there are people who have more. Maybe there should be a button for acquaintances. People you know of, but perhaps do not actually know - you know?
I saw a most remarkable presentation at the Portland Museum of Art last year, that exhibited dozens of photographs of the artist's FaceBook friends. She went around and made very tasteful portraits of her friends and presented them in this show. I was fascinated with the whole effort. But did she send birthday greetings to them all? Send Holiday greetings to them all? Call them all and have coffee now and then? You know the answer to that.
Here's a test. In a friendship there is always mutual knowledge and understanding. It has to go both ways. There is a level of intimacy - closeness in a real friendship. That doesn't mean there is a lot of groping every time you meet, but there are some shared experiences that merit at least a gentle fist bump upon greeting. Know what I mean?
It takes more than simple recognition to make a friendship. In a country that makes so much of freedom of speech any word can be word-naped and given a new identity. FaceBook has done this with "friend". Friend has been taken from her home in the middle of the night and given a new hairdo, a facelift and new clothes and passport. A friend now is anyone who was at the same party you attended, passed you on the street, worked for the same company, served in the same battalion, or lives on the same planet as you do. "Hey, somebody who knows you and is your FB friend, also knows Joe Bliztifac. Why not be Joe Bliztifac's friend." It's not far from that. Wait a minute - that's exactly what it is.
The one thing that doesn't need watering down in our culture is friendship. But if someone comes up and says, "Hey, I want to be your friend," what do you say? "Sure, it's an honor to be your friend". Wait -
is it really? I mean you could say something like, I would love to be an acquaintance of yours and then perhaps as time goes by, we may become real friends. Get to know each other. Something like that. We don't do that, do we? And that's the little chink in our social armor that Mr. Zuckeberg exploits.
Here is test #2. The next time you get a friend request, go ahead and accept it and then send a private message and ask the person to meet you next friday at Slumgullion's or where ever for a beer. Maybe they'll pay. You never know - you may have just met your long sought soul buddy. Ya think?
Here's a disclaimer for you: I actually like FaceBook. Not the whole thing, but the bulletin board feature where we actually go back and forth on some subject or other. It is an over the backyard fence thing at heart and that is all it is for me. The games, the sidebars, the crap that wants to snare you into sharing more of your personal information is garbage. Of course, this is only one man's opinion.
I love communicating with people. It's what drives me. When something better comes along I'll go to it. Meanwhile - - - - - - - will you be my friend?
I'm Jerry Henderson
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