Thursday, December 3, 2015

SELF ADVOCATING

I’ve heard it more than a few times, “I didn’t know you were hard of hearing”.

My hearing loss actually began back in the 80s when I noticed some mild loss and actually had my hearing tested at Eastern Maine Medical in Bangor. The result was that I did have some loss but still had hearing that fell in the “green” zone. I didn’t need hearing aids according to the audiologist. So that was it. I forgot it and carried on discounting the audiologist’s advise: to have my hearing tested regularly because the condition is usually progressive. And as I have come to find out, it is also “sneaky”. It’s a real problem before you are aware of it. And anyway, who wants to wear hearing aids?

If it’s a problem for me to be aware of my own disability, how must it be for others to know of my limitations? Hearing loss is an invisible disability. There is no white cane or crutch to signify a disabling condition. There are some signals but we, as a culture, are not prepared to tune in to them. That person in a group who is not participating in the conversation may not be timid, she may be hard of hearing. The man who keeps asking that something be repeated may not be inattentive, he may be suffering from hearing loss.

When I picked up my first hearing aids back in the summer of 1997, the audiologist told me that my hearing loss way back then was documentable as disabling. I laughed. Disabled? Really? I can walk and chew gum at the same time. What’s disabled?

I have since learned my lesson. First, having severe hearing loss is disabling. Even with hearing aids, what you get is not “normal” hearing. Second, if I do not speak up for myself no one else will. This is the hardest part for a social person.

It is not uncommon to find myself in a situation where I want to be a part of a conversation and simply can not understand most of what is being said. i can simile and nod and go away frustrated and perhaps angry or I can speak up and say what I need to be a part of the conversation. This is a work in progress. I don’t want to be treated specially. Yet, society is a long way from integrating the hard of hearing into the main stream. There is a beginning. the conversation has begun. Meanwhile, I may ask you to face me when we speak to each other. I may ask for a repetition now and then. I may ask that the TV or music be muted. I may simply take a break from the stress of trying to understand and go for a walk. It’s hard work and not much fun. And yet, I do not want to be left out. Ah, yes - there’s the rub.

2 comments:

  1. Oh, Jerry, I "hear"you loud and clear. I finally got tired of missing out on conversations and say "huh?" or "excuse me" all the time and was fitted for hearing aids. Unfortunately, I still miss conversations and often find it hard to participate. Not always a bad thing for an introvert. What I did not realize until I got them was what other sounds I was missing...blowing leaves, rain, bird calls. I do need to have them adjusted but I am grateful for what they can do for me!

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  2. Ah Priscilla. The journey has just begun. Do not give up as so many do. I will send a couple of links to sites that offer info and encouragement. Thanks for reading. JH

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